The Great Debate
31 August 2008, 08:20
Mem Fox slams parents who leave newborns in care
I’m not really going to enter into this debate (ha ha - tricked you), as it’s probably one of the more heated topics amongst mums. My theory and you can disagree with me here, is that everything in moderation. There are pros and cons of sending your child to childcare, there are pros and cons of having them at home with you 24/7.
Mem is a children’s author, and a resoundingly popular one at that, so what she says is widely quoted. People listen. Mums listen and feel the critique acutely. Thankfully I’m not without confidence in my own parenting (well, since Scout was about 2 anyway - for some reason it got much easier once she started talking) so I can accept what Mems’ saying without feeling the sting. What Mem is not is a child psychoanalyst and to that end she should probably be keeping her “expert” opinions to herself.
What I will agree with Mem here is that putting babies of a few weeks old into care is awful. Awful. My question is - at what age does your child become “acceptable” to put in creche?
I put Scout into care for 3 days a week when she was one year old (she’s in 4 days now). Was that too young? I felt guilty for a couple of weeks, then I got over it, because I have to say our relationship improved because my sense of wellbeing improved. I’m not cut out for 24/7 care of a child. I really wish I were. But I love my career. I love my daughter and I need both. I have both. Scout is in wonderful care with women who adore her and sing her praises. She loves her creche - and did pretty much since she got there. If she were in sub-standard care or were the type of child who struggled to settle in such a setting I’d revisit that in a heartbeat.
But I want to be a good role-model for Scout - and send her the message strongly that just because she’s female and decides to have kids doesn’t mean she can’t have it all. Career and Family if that’s what she wants. Unfortunately, access to centre-based care is often necessary to facilitate that balance.
I accept that this may be a bourgeois attitude, but our family is thriving.
Permanent Link | Shoot me down in flames. Go on, I dare youSombre Day
28 August 2008, 18:37
OK, so I’m a bit hormonal, but a couple of things happened today that made me quite reflective and sad.
First, one of Scout’s beloved carers at creche is leaving to go back to South Korea. I went along to the morning tea they had for her (parents were invited, although I was the only parent there which was a bit bloody awkward, but hell! carry on etc.!) and as I left gave Soo a big hug. Soo is very stoic, very humble, never makes a fuss, not a particularly genki type but obviously adores my daughter so I found this whole thing really quite hard. I got teary. And a bit embarassed. But I somehow think it was all very much appreciated.
Got home and continued my working day - come 4pm, I receive an email from my manager letting me know that one of my colleagues had died suddenly during a freak horse-riding accident. She had 3 young kids. Now, to tell the truth, she and I had never really gotten along - we used to work together quite closely and we just dealt with people differently, I suppose - nothing earth-shattering, I didn’t dislike her, but we were simply never going to be bosom-buddies. Over the years, as we ceased to need to work together we ceased fire and exchanged social civilities.
Her death really shook me. Not as a colleague. But as a mum. I felt devastated for her kids, for that there is no doubt, but I felt for her as a mum… sad that she’d never get to hold her kids again, that she’d never get to know them as teenagers (perhaps thankful for some), really really sad. A lot of it was selfish - putting my own trivialities into perspective and appreciating every single second I spent with my daughter - absorbing her laughter, laughing at her antics until the sad tears became happy ones.
Until tomorrow, of course, when life will no doubt get in the way again and I forget I ever had that insight.
Permanent Link | Comments [1]Am I the only one who finds this disconcerting?
25 August 2008, 17:37
Winter Snapshot
23 August 2008, 09:44
Things I’m excited about:
... Scout’s lullaby singing
... Our projector. After a year of trying to sell the damn thing, we set it up and there’s no chance of us ever going back to a normal sized TV. Bring on Summer Moonlight Cinema!
... My career in HR - the halcyon days of life in Risk Management have all but come to an end. Now I have to go do some real work.
... Spring
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