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The Great Disconnect

30 July 2005, 08:28

So I went to Emergency a couple of weeks ago (I’d been having some bleeding you see, which is not such a great thing to have at 13 weeks…) and we got to see MiniMc Live on Screen. I was curious but not at all emotional. I think I just said, “Shit, that’s real” but it actually felt too bloody surreal. Husband was all choked up, but I, strangely, wasn’t.

Same thing happened a few days later when I went for my NT Scan. For those not ‘at one’ with pregnancy terminology and procedures, this is a “Nuchal Translucency” test where they zap a bit of your blood and measure the layer of skin at the back of the baby’s neck to give you odds of whether you have yourself a Down’s Syndrome baby.

For a middle-aged wench such as myself, I had startling odds – 1 in 2,760, which is 10 times less risk than the average for my age. It’s all such a gamble though – unless you have a battery of invasive tests, you don’t really know and there have been women who’ve had 1 in 3000 odds who’ve delivered a Downs Baby.

Anyway, I digress… I was able to see MiniMc sucking it’s thumb (nyah) and its little heart beating, but it still felt terribly scientific, like I’d been asked to examine a multiplying bacteria under a microscope. Objective. Detached. Logically, of course (I’m not an idiot, you know) I knew this was our baby but I still haven’t made the Great Connect.

According to other women who are or have been pregnant, this makes me somewhat akin to a freak. No, they’d never say that, but I sure think that. There are always tales of great unbridled emotion and sensations of protective, motherly love at the ultrasound when you see it for the first time. At least the unembarrassed shedding of a single tear. I guess it will come when it comes.

What became painfully obvious though, once I saw the photo the doc took of the ultrasound, was that the little Codger has McG’s browline and profile. AT 13 WEEKS OLD! BUT, I guess it did have my big head…

Posted by Kinki on 30 July 2005, 08:28
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  1. Meh. I thought all my ultrasounds were a truly fascinating clinical experience – no emotional bonding la la land for me either.
    — Sharon    Jul 30, 10:15 PM    #
  2. hmm not much for me to say, i’m just reading along :)
    — megha    Jul 31, 01:03 AM    #
  3. I may be late, but congrats are in order. I’m sure you guys will do great!
    — Dan    Aug 1, 01:48 AM    #
  4. It was all very surreal to our family as well during those first ultrasounds. But wait until you’re sporting the bubbybelly and feel it doing the somersaults – it’s amazing watching my sister melt.
    — Ren    Aug 1, 12:54 PM    #
  5. i can’t even imagine what that’s like.. seeing another living being inside you. i guess my day will come as well, but i don’t think that you’re alone :) i’ve known many women who don’t “get” that they are actually having a baby until the darn thing is placed in their arms! common, i think.
    — gleek    Aug 3, 01:06 AM    #