Stress!!!!!

Everything has been seriously piling up this week. We have a ridiculous amount to do by Friday and no time to do it in. We've had to apply for Chinese visas, but our passports were only returned yesterday, just in time for our appointment with the Australian Embassy at 10 a.m today to have our Application for Marriage duly noted (for which they charge 1,700 yen per signature), just in time to send it to Cairns before the cutoff date. We've had a sayonara party to plan, boxes to send home, traveller's insurance to get, the last day at our company being today (I won't say "yay!" but "f**kin' yay!". No work for 2 blissful months!), final reports to do, medical claims to get processed, vaccinations to get (no easy task in this land, may I assure you), rehabili appointments to attend, damn, I've even had classes to teach. And the sick pleasure Japanese companies seem to get out of their petty bureacracy is sure as hell not helping. There is a barrier to everything.

And don't even start me on the lobotomised princesses swarming the land. Don't get me wrong, I dig a lot of Japanese chicks, but there is an annoying breed out there who ditz around like there is nothing upstairs.

You know the ones I mean. They spend half an hour on the train doing their makeup, vacantly stare off into space with their lipsticked mouths hanging open, walk soooooo slowly and erratically that you constantly trip over them and they don't even notice, prance around like spaced-out chickens, hands all aflutter, toting their Louis Vuitton handbags and dreaming of their next blonding appointment with their hairdresser.

They've really been pissing me off lately, I guess because I've been rushing around and have no patience for the flocks of LPs barring my path. Yes, I know, patience. If only I had time for it...

You can't stop at just one...

OK. Cut the crap and just give me an intravenous beer drip, already.

Yesterday we had another Hanami Party, this time in Shinjuku Gyoen with our friends Reika, Taka-chan and Nabe. Matt and I swore that, after Saturday's binge, nary a drop of amber fluid would pass our lips. Hardi har har. Why do we toy with ourselves thus?

Obligatory Hanami Pose

"Arguably the most divine cherry blossom tree in Tokyo ('cos I've probably seen them all by now)

Although the blossoms did not disappoint, we were thoroughly shafted with the yatai sitch, or lack thereof. Where Inokashira Park had yatai and stalls set up just outside the park to keep one plied full of beer and food, Shinjuku Gyoen had a paltry stall selling beer (OK, so it wasn't all bad) and crapola sandwiches and oden. Ugh.

If you decide to go a-hanami-viewing this week in Shinjuku gyoen, take your supplies...

You want more sakura photos. I know it.

Perfect Party

The first beer was sunk at 10.30 a.m. The last at 10.30 p.m.
It was sunny. Warm.
The blossoms were back, baby, and people were not afraid to view them.
Kat secured us a top-shelf possie next to Inokashira Lake. She didn't sell her soul to get it.
34 of our combined friends came.
We had ourselves a very-Japanese mini BBQ.
We were organised. But not as organised as some.
No-one remembered much after 2 p.m.
No-one vomited.
A perfect Day.

"What can I say? I'm a babe magnet."

Some people just can't handle their liquor...

Hanami Party Photo Gallery
Pinku's Hanami Photos

Bellybutton gazing

Sendagaya address-plate

Today is Hanami Party day. 16 degrees and sunny. We're all congregating at Inokashira Park in Kichijoji for a day of cherry blossoms, cricket (assuming we can set up stumps among the cast of thousands) and libation (watch this space for dodgy drunken photos)...

Have been busy organising the China trip (6 sleeps!), getting visas, tickets, accommodation. Thank you to everyone who recommended stuff to do - it pretty much cemented the ideas I already had in mind. Staying at the Grand View Garden Hotel for the first few nights, and playing it by ear after that.

As our tenure in Japan is coming to an end, everyone invariably asks me, "So what are you going to do for a job in Australia?" My response is usually, "Ummmmm, not HR?" Because really, that's all I've come up with. I'm toying with the idea of going into Corporate Training, a strange hybrid of HR and teaching I guess, but I know I will probably not get the same 1) salary or 2) level of enjoyment.

There has been a bit of a tendency among the non-teaching ex-pats in Japan to look down on English teachers. Comments like "Do a grad degree and get a real job in Japan" have been bandied around on some forums I've read, but man, I had a "real" job in Australia, and it kinda sucked. English teaching fuckin' rocks the house. We've had a great lifestyle, and for what we're doing we've been paid damn well for it.

And there's no way in hell I'm going into the Australian Education system which was another possible avenue, and truth be told I quite like the corporate atmosphere, as long as I don't have to do the suck-suck job of mediating between management and employees ('cos we all know who gets shafted).

There's always writing and photography, my two main passions, but I can't imagine doing either for a job. It would just take all the fun out of them if my livelihood depended on them. And I'm not prepared to sell my soul to compromise on either.

So quandary, people, quandary.

Maybe I should just pop out a couple of bubba-cheetas and be a stay-at-home mum, catching up for coffee with our other thousand friends who've decided to get preggers in the last year. Or not.

Maybe I need to think about this some more...

Please. Make it Stop.

Japan's seasonal "treats" are both the love and the bane of my very existence. I am urged, nay, compelled to view every single flowering cherry or maple, whether it kills me or not.

Charmer

So welcome to my Madness. For the next week this is what you'll get. Cherry blossoms. Lots of 'em. If you don't like them, then move it along. Nothing to see here.

Today's expedition took me to Yasakuni Shrine, the Imperial Palace...

Waiting for a bus

and Shinjuku Gyoen...

Photographer

In Shinjuku Gyoen I encountered 3 foreigners who I'm fairly sure were fellow Japan bloggers, but I wasn't sure so we had one of those awkward "You look awfully damn familiar, but I won't betray my cool and come out and ask you where I know you from" moments. If any of you guys are reading this, put me out of my misery and tell me who the hell you are!

Hanami 2004 Photo Gallery

Ange's Nama-biiru Tour of Tokyo

Just tell me how much print club rocks...

What do 3 Aussies (one in town for only a day) do on the wettest and most miserably cold day of the year? Like you need to ask!

Matt and I have always been a bit guilty of going out of our way to show guests a good time, maybe trying too hard, until we realised that Tokyo is simply not a touristy city. You probably get more out of Tokyo by wandering around its labyrinths and drinking up the atmosphere.

So when our friend Ange (one of the original Melbourne Mafia, and yes this is supposed to make the rest of you guys feel guilty as shit for not visiting us) we had a short list of stuff to do, and let the rest fall into place.

In one night and one day, Ange...

* partook of that perennial Japanese institution - late night ramen (washed down with Sapporo beer)...
* went electronics shopping in Ikebukuro...
* braved the mass of tourists and worshippers in Senso Ji in Asakusa (jeez, not even 5 degree sleet can keep the Japanese down)...

Tokyo Tittie Pudding

* went nuts buying big on Hello Kitty (hell, I thought it was just me) on Nakamise-dori, the souvenir-mecca leading to Senso-Ji...
* experienced shitamachi hospitality at a cook-your-own okonomiyakiya in Asakusa (washed down with a devil-load of Asahi beer). The highlight of the day. Even the Asahi tasted good...
* was blown-away (literally) by the bright rainy lights of Shinjuku...

Kabukicho

* overloaded on cheese at a Kabukicho Print Club station (see above)...
* ate yakitori in Yakitori Alley (washed down with an unhealthy dose of Kirin Beer and TV Sumo) with the after-work salary-men crowd...

Yakitori Ange

* experienced Shinjuku station rush hour...
* polished off more Sapporo beer at our local izakaya...

and all without taking a deep breath. Mind you, we were tipsy the whole day, so probably wouldn't have noticed if we were breathing or not. The moral of the story? When Mother Nature screws you, there's always beer...

Asakusa Photo Gallery
Shinjuku Photo Gallery

China plans afoot

So we're all poised to fly out to Beijing on the 2nd April, assuming they give our sorry arses a visa. The question for now is - where do we stay once we get there (our flight arriving at the ungodly hour of 9.40pm).

I quite fancy one of those traditional courtyard hotels, although they seem prohibitively expensive. If anyone has any recommendations for a nice(ish), nothing fancy but not a complete dive with welcoming staff (a must), around the 5,000 yen/ A$60 mark in Beijing, then pleeeeeeease share. Do I have to beg?

Our current plan (i.e. will probably change tomorrow) is 4-5 days in Beijing, including the Great Wall, a couple of days in Qingdao to meet Coco's parents who speak no English but apparently cook a mean gyoza (hell, you sold me), maybe check out Tai-shan, then head west to Datong to see the funky caves (name escapes me) and the Terracotta Warriors. Too much in two weeks?

We're a bit lost about what to do in the two weeks 'cos, I mean, it's fucking China man, and there's an overwhelming amount to see. It's totally doing my head in. Probably won't plan too much in advance, but I can't quite shake my evil "Little Miss Organisation" twin. Know what I'm saying?

Karry on Kabuki-cho

One of the great things about being on the other-side of the camera, is you can avoid most of the dastardly karaoke pictures that people like me take.

Our perennially cheerful Aussie bud Dave "I sold my soul to the Corporate Devil" Mac and his colleague, Dennis, both in town from Seattle for a few days (as the retirement home of the Corporate Devil, Seattle's not such a bad place) were on the receiving end last night. Kat, Ray and Chie also came along for the ride...

We made some new friends...

we sang some tunes...

we "borrowed" some tambourines and tout jackets...

Doesn't take much to keep a few drunken Aussies (and a stray American and Japanese) chipper and grinning...

As if you haven't seen enough karaoke photos

Nothing broken, nothing torn

It's not every day that you're told you have the muscle strength of an elementary school student. Yesterday, my new doctor (the one that kicks arse, not the pretender) sent me off to "rehabili", ran some tests on my left knee and basically told me that I suck. I dunno, I reckon I could have told him that before he charged me 27,000 yen for a CaT scan.

On the subject of CaTs, those things scare the bejeezuz outta me. Anyone who knows me at all knows I'm not a panicker by nature, but the moment I get near one of those CaT muthas, I start sweating and carrying on like a porkchop.

My phobia of CaTs may be the residue of a surreal experience a few years ago (where I may or may not have been very drunk) when I may or may not have fallen down a flight of stairs and got knocked out (which possibly sent my front tooth through my bottom lip and into oblivion). I had to have a CaT scan of my brain then, although it may have been an excuse for the hospital to check that everyone... erm, everything, was ticketyboo inside there.

I can think of more pleasant experiences than being sent into a giant white pizza oven (just douse me with mozzarella and salami and be done with it, already) with loud clacking noises encircling your head and a white-clad nurse slapping you around intermittently with a resounding, "just be still, won't you?".

So the new kick-arse doctor has given me the all-clear on the CaT front and the license to stop walking like Frankenstein's monster. I just have the muscle strength of a 10 year-old, ergo I still can't walk properly. Ergo I suck. Just ask me.

Shibuya Sunday

Dogenzaka Wall

"Ayu-pan". I have no idea, either...

Shibuya Photo Gallery

Yushima Tenjin

The Last of the Plum Blossoms

One thing I've learnt about Japan is to go to Festivals just after or before they've "officially" begun. The yatai are usually set up, there are plenty of people to make it atmospheric but not so many that you have to wear an oxygen mask to breathe, and for the seasonal festivals, like Hanami (cherry blossoms), Momijigari (autumn leaves), and Ume (plum blossoms), you can't time there blossoming to the day, so there's plenty to see in that window on either side of the "Festival".

The insane remnants of last week's festival

So when Kurt from Easterwood mentioned the Ume Festival at Yushima Tenjin but rued that it finished last weekend, I thought "no worries mate! perfect timing!"

I headed there early morning when only a few people were scattered about. It's a beautiful provincial shrine, much nicer than Meiji Jingu which I find a little soulless. And as I expected, the plum blossoms were on the way out, but still lots to photograph.

Wedding

Yushima Tenjin Photo Gallery

Tomorrow: Shibuya Sunday

Today is...

As if you didn't know.

In your neighbourhood

In 2 and a half years, Matt and I haven't been on the receiving end of much anti-foreigner sentiment. To date, I've never been directly discriminated against (to my knowledge); no-one has refused to sit next to me on the train or called me a baka-gaijin (this, in particular surprises me having given the locals justifiable cause to call me this on many occasions).

We've encountered wariness, sure, and the usual stares, but maybe we've become immune to it. Maybe God is preparing a nice big present for us just before we leave.

BUT nearly every day, as we walk out of our door, we are reminded that we are not Japanese and therefore, do not deserve the common courtesies endowed on the locals. Our neighbours, let's call them the "Yanagidas", have in their midst, a rather bitchy middle-aged cow who, in 2 and a half years has NEVER said hello or smiled at us.

Every single day, we smile and say "Konnichiwa!" if she's out fussing with the front garden (and hell, it seems like that's all she does) and not once has she responded. We were determined to break her, but she is one hell of a stubborn monkey and refuses to give in to our unerring charm. Now, we do it just to piss her off, our "Konnichiwas" have become progressively more exaggerated and theatrical. One day we hope she'll just explode.

There is a lovely "Yanagida", who we think is her sister, and she always says hello, but we rarely see her. We have created a whole "Yanagida" mythology - that the Evil Sister locks up the Lovely Sister in the attic and forces her to listen to the yappy ferret that barks all day but that we've never seen (probably one of those toy pomeranian poo-meisters) and feeds her only canned dog food.

Of course, because Mother Nature has a sardonic sense of humour, the evil "Yanagida"'s efforts have now paid off. Yep, the first cherry blossoms have bloomed in her fussy little garden...

Well, frisk me...

...if the foreigners haven't cottoned on to the whole "bow and thou shalt be forgiven" routine.

For once, I'd like these sons of bitches, not to bow and snivel "I'm sooooooo humbly sorry I broke the law; I beg for your forgiveness", but to admit, "To be perfectly frank, I'm a complete asshole with no respect for anybody but myself, and let's face it, I'm going to get away with this and every other white collar crime I've committed, so kiss my Issey Miyaked arse."

I have a scoop for you hypocrites expecting the well-squeezed milk of our human kindness - "Don't break the fucking law in the first place."

Honestly. Isn't this obvious?

...in Harajuku...

"I'm sorry, we have no interest in being a part of your dodgy fashion scam"

"Maybe we should have tried the direct approach?"

Harajuku Photo Gallery

Characters

Gorgeous old shoe shiner, Shinjuku

I love the facial characteristics of old men and women (excepting those wily old obatallions, but let's not go there) particularly the creases of their wise and wizened faces.

I am also a major fan of the rabbit warren that is Shinjuku. It's just fuckin' crazy. Like Ikebukuro, it's bright, garish, grimy and, as far as it goes in Japan, dodgy as all hell. Yeah, that puppy always shines for me!

Alley upon Alley, Shinjuku

Neighbourhood Nuggets

Our neighbour on a very important call

You are so nicked!

Yesterday, I saw a guy get arrested. I didn't realise shit like that even happened in Japan. Oh sure, I've heard of people being caught riding a stolen bike, but real life crime?

I was walking to my evening class in Aomonoyokocho when I saw a cop car and a bunch of policemen talking to a middle-aged guy in a flash car. At first I thought they were arresting him, but silly me, I should have known someone in a flash car was not even close to getting arrested.

I looked to my left and saw that two policemen had a young guy up against a wall, and were holding his hands behind his back. The guy was probably 120 pounds dripping wet but the cops felt it necessary to apply the force of two. You know, safety in numbers and all.

So the police actually do things other than give directions. Bugger me stunned.

That's not to say that the guy had done something really heinous. He probably just got busted stealing an expensive bicycle. What I really want to see is one of those corrupt white-collar or politician bastards who think they can get away with a graceful public bow, getting their arses hurled against a wall...

Service briefing

You haven't had service 'til you've had Japanese service. Honestly, it rocks. They are formidable artistes of attention and charm.

This lot at Odakyu Depaato in Shinjuku, though, don't seem so sure about the whole deal. But I guess it's not every day they have a funny-lookin' foreigner poking a camera through the closed glass doors at 9.55.

All shashined out

If I so much as glance at another camera I'm bloody well gonna scream (this, incidentally, does not bode well for our wedding in a couple of months).

Yesterday was my last day at my JHS and I'd forgotten how crazy the Japanese are about photos. Man, I thought I was obsessed. By the end of the morning, I was buggered (an expression my JTEs were delighted to learn).

"So, were you sad?" A little, although I rarely get emotional at partings (yes, yes, like you didn't know I was a hard-hearted bitch). I had a melancholy Seinfeld moment late yesterday, where all my memories of the school flooded back in exaggerated, slow-mo mode, but I was more exhausted than sad.

Being artisans in the school of obligation and duty, all the Japanese staff and some of the kids (although most of them were too busy with the infinitely more fun duty of being kids) made sure I didn't escape without proper closure - my JTEs swooned about how much they'd miss me (one of my JTEs kept saying, "You saved my teacher's life!" Like, 10 times or something). I had to give a farewell speech to the staff, I had to spread Tim-tams like jam in the teacher's room (thank you, God, for Arnotts; they saved my teacher's life), I had to give my "sign" on 10 thousand text books, I had to schmooze Koucho-sensei in very bad Japanese. Even the janitors came out and cornered me for the "last conversation". Jeez, shoot me if I didn't feel like Jesus at the Last Supper.

If you are familiar with the Japanese school system, you may know that the two heads of the school are called Koucho-sensei (principal) and Kyoto-sensei (vice-principal). Unlike the school system back home, Koucho-sensei is more of a figurehead, responsible for schmoozing rich and influential people into giving the school funding. Kyoto-sensei is where its all at. He or she is the real head of the school, insofar as the daily running of the school goes. If your Kyoto-sensei sucks, chances are your school will suck, too.

My Kyoto-sensei is seriously the man. He's organised, empathetic and the fact that he's always reminded me of Tattoo from Fantasy Island, just adds to his charm. I think I'll probably miss him the most. I think he was the guiding hand that made me feel like a piece of furniture rather than the gaijin-out-of-water.

"Why, Koucho-sensei! You're looking a little feminine today..."

"And, did any of the kids cry?" The only reaction I got was from my first-year girls. On being told that the class would finish 10 minutes early so they could have a farewell photo taken with Kim-Sensei, they all whipped our their pocket mirrors and checked their hair. I'm not kidding. They are 11 years old.

One of my third graders was in tears, but I'm fairly certain she was crying about something else...

Sakura!

No no, they're not out just yet (this is file photo from 2003), but the all-hallowed Sakura forecast for Japan has just been released. Looks like an early one this year - 20th March for Tokyo (good news for our friend Ange who's coming in on the 21st), 8 days earlier than usual.

Oh crap, I can feel obsession kicking in. What is this fever that hath rushed uponeth me?

If you can read Japanese, here is the detailed forecast.

Or if you can't be arsed, check out last year's pics! Let the mania begin!

Kinki's Last Stand

Tomorrow is my last day at my JHS and I'm a bit boo-hoo about it. They're great kids, if a little unruly and the school has made me feel real welcome. A minor miracle considering I'm only there two mornings a week.

Who knows? Maybe the kids will even miss my Look of Death (v. important disciplinary technique) and crap Japanese. At least they'll miss laughing at the Baka Sensei.

Tra la la. Guess the end is inevitable, huh? As one thing ends another begins...

Slipper box

Second Home and Second Opinion

Sengen Jinja

Well, it didn't stop me from acting totally whack, but I feel a little bit saner after our trip to Fujiyoshida. Martine's place has become my little home away from home - a mere 2 hour bus ride to laidback sanctuary.

Don't mistake me when I say I'm in love with Fuji-san. She's just fucking awesome. We saw her in cloud, we saw her basking in the pale dusk sunlight, we even didn't see her at all. Martine may be looking forward to the New-Look-Tokyo-Martine, but I'll bet she'll sure as shit miss that mighty mount.

Mount Fuji late afternoon

Saturday was spent slurping ramen (and gyoza for me, not being a lover of all things ramen) and wandering about Sengen Jinja, I dare say one of the more beautiful shrines I've seen in this country. Particularly with the golden late afternoon sunlight reflecting off the trees. Hmmm, nice.

Forest-side worship at Sengen Jinja

We cooked Marty dinner, watched "Kill Bill" (most excellent, I was surprised after all the hype) and crashed at an unseemly hour. Even forewent the temptation to check out Orlando Bloom on the LOTR Behind-the-Scenes DVD deal that Martine scored. Jeez, must have been tired. Yuh-huh.

Sunday was... melancholy. It was raining and Her Royal Gamminess (nee "Dicky Knee") was depressing me. 8 weeks man, 8 weeks and I still can't bend the damn thing!

So today, we went to get a second opinion from a doctor who didn't sigh and say "Doushiyo?" ("What should we do?") like the first one. This doctor actually said, "try bending it, even though it hurts. And for gods sake, get rid of that infernal brace thing". Hoorah! A doctor who at least appears to know what he's doing! Have to get an MRI in a couple of weeks, but he seems to think that I'll be running by the end of April. Yep, another two freakin' months. Kill me now.

Fujiyoshida Photo Gallery