School-night fever

Caught up with Kat (of Schoolgirl Sophistry fame) last night in Shinjuku.

As well as having excellent taste in Blogger templates, Kat's gorgeous and one uber-cool chick (and not surprisingly, totally overwhelmed by Tokyo - just wait til we get her into a karaoke booth - that will change!). In the last couple of months I've caught up with two people who I've "met" through their websites - Kat and Martine. When you read a stranger's blog, you get an image of what they'd be like in person, and I must say that both of them have been pretty much just as I expected . Except better looking.

When people put the words "stranger" and "internet" together, they usually get visions of Single White Female or the shower scene in Psycho, but so far, the internet has been very kind to me indeed. As Kat said to some worried colleagues today (or words to this effect), "Look, we're meeting at Shinjuku station in a very public place - if Kim has been masquerading as a man this whole time, I think I should be safe."

Official Defeat

(and a side trip to Meiji Jingu)

Japan is, now, officially impossible. I searched high and low for my coveted DVDs but nothing. zip. nada. No subtitles anywhere to be found. Luckily my trusty sources have lead me to the mecca that is ebay, but I'm still miffed that I can't buy internationally released Japanese films in Japan.

After my fruitless search, the yellow brick road lead me to Meiji Jingu in Harajuku. Meiji Jingu is probably one of the biggest "touristy" attractions in Tokyo, probably because large-scale urban shrines are a bit of a rarity.

However, I've been here a few times now and although its aesthetically pleasing and there are lots of cute monks and miko (shrine maidens) pottering about (I quite fancy their orange wrap-around skirts, wot), I find Meiji Jingu a bit, I don't know, empty and unsatisfying. Don't ask me why.

Upside down, inside out and round and round

As a foreigner in paradise, some days my whole little idyllic whole world seems all back-to-front and topsy-turvy (good reason to stay drunk, I suppose):

1. Books and writing
An obvious one, but worth a mention - Japanese writing is vertical and read from right to left. Likewise, books, magazines and manga porn are read from what we know as the back. Luckily this is how I read magazines anyway. It's just the actual content I can't read.

2. House doors
In Australia, our front doors open inwards. In Japan, the opposite is true; they open outwards. I recently found out that this is because an inward opening door would take out the delicate piles of shoes cluttering the entrance.

3. Toilet doors
Likewise, when you posit yourself in a toilet cubicle, we lock the door by twisting it into a vertical possie. A horizontal lock signifies an unlocked door. In Japan, the opposite is true (most of the time). I've had a few fillies accidentally walk in on me in a sake-f#$%ed stupor when I've forgotten which way is up (only discovered once my face hits the tiled floor).

4. Seibu and Tobu Department stores in Ikebukuro
Not cultural at all, but a pearler. The kanji for "Seibu" means West Style, the kanji for "Tobu" means East Style. Which would explain of course why Seibu is located at the east exit and Tobu located at the west exit of Ikebukuro station. Ah, the confusion!

Nightmare Corner

Warning: if you pulverise at the sight of "innocent" children with translucent whites for eyes or slouching, staccato-gaited dead chicks with white face paint and Kate Bush hair, don't watch the following trailers...

Juon - The Grudge
Juon - The Grudge 2
Ringu
Voice (interestingly, distributed by "Toilet Pictures")

Happy pant-wetting!

Singin' the Capitalist Blues

When people bitch and moan that Tokyo is sooooo expensive I will usually argue with them (and no, it's not because I just like to argue...). If you know where to look and don't succumb to the "must have brand labels at any cost" mentality, you can get away in Tokyo for a song (so long as its not Britney Spears, which can cost you a hell of a lot in this town, and I'm not talking money).

The exception to this is transport, a necessary evil that you can't avoid and can't shop around for. This became grossly apparent to us yesterday when we went for a day trip to Chichibu, the closest National Park to Tokyo.

We wanted to go up to the Mitsumine Shrine Complex and the cheapest way to get there (three trains, a bus and the cable car) takes 2 and a half hours from Ikebukuro and costs 3600 yen - thats about $A50 my friends, ONE WAY. As it turned out, when we got to Mitsumineguchi, Matt and I pooled our collective resources, and discovered we only had 3,000 yen between us. Ah, it felt like old times when we were poor and eating ramen off an upturned cardboard box...

We couldn't afford the trip up to the Shrine complex so we just traipsed around Chichibu, quite a beautiful, but melancholy little farming and mountain community. We only spent about 4 hours there, but it whetted our appetite for the 2 day hike which starts just past the shrine complex and continues down to Oku-Tama.

Next time, we'll remember to bring the piggie bank.

Addendum

As an addendum to my last blog, if any Tokyo-based cinephiles out there can tell me where in big bad Tokes I can get my grubby little mits on these films either to rent or buy, fuckit man, I'll owe you a beer big time.

excuse my language, but I use "fuck" a lot in this blog

Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck. Here I was thinking buying a DVD player would solve all our Japanese movie watching problems. Oh, how wrong I was.

So I go to our local Geo to discover that all the DVDs have a strategically placed label over where you can see at a glance whether the DVD has English subtitles or not. So with every Japanese language DVD I had to ask the attendant whether it did, who responded everytime with a resounding, "No". First fuckity fuck.

I remember being told (an unconfirmed rumour) that Japanese language DVDs with English subtitles were not available for rent, only purchase. I don't know anything about Japanese copyright laws, but if its a law, then its a fuckity fucked up one. If its not, then its simply fucked.

And of course, not all films are available with English subtitles, only those with an international release. Luckily, as far as I'm aware, the films I am desperate to see - Juon, The Eye (Chinese), Ringu and Ringu 2 all had international releases. Don't know about Jisatsu Circle (Suicide Circle). Now, I don't mind buying a few DVDs, but I don't want to have to buy every Japanese movie I want to see.

I'm resigned to the fact that any DVD I buy here (Zone 2) will be incompatible with Australian DVD players in Australia (Zone 4). But, I just want to see a few paltry Japanese movies. Why is it so fucking hard???

The kicker was when I asked the Geo attendant whether the film "The Karma" (aka "Inner Senses") had English subitles. She politely explained that it had no English subtitles or soundtrack, but, wait for it, it had an English menu. WHAT THE FUCK'S THE POINT OF THAT??? If the Japanese movie industry is determined to keep itself in a little insular box, then fine, its their industry, but for fuck's sake don't tease us!

Doh!

I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person. I know Kayako can't possibly jump on my legs and that little blue bastard, Toshio is not real. My imagination is a little crazed, but basically, most of the cans are in my 6 pack.

I've been wanting to see a whole batch of Japanese (and foreign) movies - Ringu, Suicide Circle, The Eye, that I'd thought were off-limits because of the lack of English sub-titling in Japan. But it didn't occur to me, until today, that there was a way to be able to watch these coveted movies. Get a DVD player. Now, why the flibbety gibbet didn't I think of that before?

Nightmares

Damn Takashi Shimizu! Its been two nights since we saw Ju-on 2 and on both nights, just as I have been on the brink of drifting off to (a well-deserved) sleep, a vision pops into my head of Kayako jumping on my legs and wheezing her hideous creaking, clicking sound (co-incidence that this sounds just like every creaking door in Japan - I think not). This does not make me happy.

Something you don't see every day

So I'm having Beers on the Bridge with my co-workers (a Friday evening institution - gotta love the lax public drinking laws in this country) when one of them says, "So, did you see the guys over there, playing the Blue Vein flute?"

Sure enough, in the corner of the plaza were two drunk guys hopelessly trying to dry-hump each other. They were rolling around for a decent half hour in what looked like a slapstick hybrid of a Matrix action sequence and Christiane F. Definitely not one for the kiddies.

Seek and ye shall find

Japan's movie and televison industry is one of terrific over-acting. There's no simpler way to put it. It doesn't however, stop them from making f@#$%ing fantastic horror movies.

When I discovered "Juon - The Grudge 2" was playing at Cine Saison in Shibuya with english subtitles I had my butt on a train within hours. One of the great ironies of living in Japan, is that you can see more Japanese movies in Australia (being sub-titled and all) than in Japan.

For this reason I've not seen reputed masters of the genre such as "Ringu" (I am determined though, to see it before I see the U.S remake "The Ring") and the original theatre-released "Ju-on". Japanese videos are not subtitled in English (nor, one could argue, should they be... how many Aussie movies have you seen with Japanese sub-titles?) not all DVDs and the very rare cinema release, so its a right royal pain in the oshiri to get your fill of Japanese films.

Now, I am a self-confessed horror-movie fiend. I was 11 when I first taped "The Exorcist" from the TV (cut to shreds, I might add) and watched it every day for 2 months before my mother "accidentally" taped over it. At the time I thought, "What a Cow" but one doesn't really need to be enlightened to the fact that my behaviour was, ahem, a little strange (did someone say "you sick-arsed degenerate?" hmmm, must have been the demonic voices in my head...).

Over the last ten years though, authentically scary "I shat my pants right there in the theatre" films have been like raindrops on the Great Sandy Desert. The only ones that have really impressed me have been "The Sixth Sense" and "The Others".

Being a fan of ghost stories rather than blood 'n' guts, psycho killer slash 'em and trash 'ems, "Ju-On 2" did not disappoint. Low budget, every day "it could have been shot at your next-door neighbour's" scenery, creepy sound-effects and haunting imagery that got its shocks from what you didn't see or what was so subtle it was almost subliminal. The one scene (actually just one shot) that scared the bejeesus out of me, Matt missed completely.

We walked away from the cinema, with pants in-tact but quite jumpy. And if anyone has seen the movie, you may understand why I considered selling our kotatsu!

Victorious Velcro

And here I was, agonising over how to tie my yukata without the whole thing coming asunder...

Respect for the Moon and Rabbit Day

I love owning a Japanese cell-phone. We don't have fancy ones; they don't take pics or flip open with a reassuring little "ping", although we can do e-mail. No, we just have non-posh, run of the mill, Tuka phones.

What I love about Tuka is the little pics they send to our phones on special "days". Today, for example, is "Respect for the Aged" Day in Japan (I tried to get Matt to make me breakfast in honour of it, but he didn't get the hint). The quaint thing about Respect for the Aged Day was the pic we received from Tuka this morning.

A beautiful little diorama of two embracing bunnies under the full (and smiling) moon. Is there some link between rabbits and old people that I don't know about?

=SUM(Japanese Company+Change Management)=#error?

When I accepted my most recent short-term assignment, my company told me it was to help a Senior Manager with a presentation he was going to give in English. "OK", thought I, "easy money".

When I showed up and sat down with the student, he broke out my resume and said, "I am very interested in your HR background..." My first instinct was to flee with the wind at my heels, but instead I nodded and thought - "Uh-oh". He then went on to say that he was interviewing with a Manager from the overseas (french) head office of the company that bought out his company and wanted to know, from an HR and recruiting perspective, what this Manager would want to hear in order to assign him to head-up a change-management project. At least that's what I thought he wanted.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows I was shit at HR and Recruitment. I have little patience for sales or touchy-feely politicking rhetoric. My HR experience is one phoenix not meant to rise from the ashes, and should be shot down at the first sign of singed feathers.

Now here I was, in a little room with no idea of this company's HR policies or structure (he spent a bit of time explaining them, but he really just wanted to get on with the interview), with an HR Manager who wanted to implement some hard-core cultural changes in an old-school Japanese company. Hmm, did he have any idea what he was up against? Well, yes, actually he did.

I asked him what his company could do to activate change. He said, "Get rid of traditional top management." followed by, "...but its impossible". And therein lies the rub. This man had a lot of exciting ideas but it all came back to one thing, "How are you going to convince top management to accept change?" He would sit back and muse, "that's a very good question." Pause. Longer pause. Change of subject. He was nothing, if not an artful HR professional...

I, for one, hope he manages to sell himself to the overseas manager for this assignment, because his ideas and charisma would really help this fairly mainstream conservative company in the Global Market. But he's gonna have one hell of a time.

Breaking News

Matt's cousin Nick just had a baby girl, Tessa Mia. Well, actually, his wife Coco had one, but I guess he helped. A bit of an inauspicious day for a birth, but at least you'll never forget the date. A bit like being born on Adolf Hitler's birthday, really.

Coco's mother (we don't actually know her name, we've been calling her "Mama-san") flew out from Qindao a few months ago to help Coco, and has a penchant for fattening up the kids, so one thing is for sure. The child will never go hungry...

Jinxed!

I spoke too soon about the air-con sitch. Seems only about 30% of the classrooms at my school have air-con (which is still a damn-sight more than a lot of schools). Today, 2 out of 3 of my classes were in rooms "cooled" by a couple of floor fans. Hello, people! Ceiling fans???

The poor students were fanning themselves frantically with their shitajiki (plastic book undersheets) in the 32 degree sweat-pool. The kicker though, was after class my lovely JTE said, "I'm so sorry that the students were fanning themselves. Maybe it was very rude for you." Are you KIDDING!?!?

At the end of my advanced second year class, 5 of the boys cornered my other JTE and begged, yes, begged, her to let them join the intermediate class. Their reason? The intermediate class have their lessons in the air-con room. Can't say I blame the poor buggers either.

The well-worn excuse of the BOE's "low budget" is wearing a little thin, considering, for example, at Matt's school, they have state-of-the-art colour photocopier machines and super-douper coffee machines for the teachers. I'm only there 2 mornings a week so give a shit, but people, priorities!

I just can't wait for winter when the non-insulated schools have only a couple of electric heaters to keep the kids from freezing.

It's a cool, cool world

I don't know at what point of Japan's educational history, it was decided that it was OK to conduct classes without effective means of cooling.

Tokyo summers are brutal - they could kick the Devil out of Hell. I am not kidding. The powers-that-be must think that suffering through days of unbearable heat will "toughen-up" the students. In July, we broke out the fans to cool the classrooms, but the kids not sitting at the front of the class still visibly struggled through lessons. To their credit they never grumbled (to me anyway), but I don't know how they managed to learn anything. The teachers room is air-conditioned of course, but the rest of the school was not.

Granted, schools are on vacation all of August (save for a fair chunk of students who spend their holiday at "juku" (cram-school) camps), but that leaves at least 2 months of fire and brimstone. Particularly this year when Summer didn't kick in until the beginning of September.

...but over the Summer Break, my school installed... air-conditioning. In nearly every classroom. The Angels descended upon my inner-city school existence! Unfortunately these Angels missed Matt's schools (in the next ward from mine) and he still slogs it out in 32 degree heat with a couple of fans for comfort.

I don't know if air-conditioning is the school's or the Board of Education's decision, but someone up there decided being "tough" was not a pre-requisite for being a kid.

Tales from the Mount

The mighty saga of Matt and Co.'s journey to the top of Fuji is now up at Opinios. For any would-be off-season pilgrims, its newsy and timely stuff. Enjoy!

Fujiyoshida and the Amazing Technicolour Wuss-bag

Right, while Matt is busy recuperating from the effects of a volcano well-travelled, let me tell you what my wimped-out arse did during the weekend.

Sweet fuck all.

Not strictly true, Martine and I did go up to the 5th station in the evening to see the boys off (a huge thank you to Aki and Yuko who drove them up in their plush-o 4WD) and shake our heads at Albert "I won't be cold, I'm Canadian" Arseneau as he undertook the mount with little more than shorts and a polo sweater. He did freeze at the top, but to his credit, made the mighty climb in shorts. Well, colour me dumbfounded.

Saturday afternoon was one of those rare times when there was a sunset in Fujiyoshida (and a killer one too - practically a supernatural phenomenon according to Martine) and Mount Fuji was clearly visible.

After a DVD and a fabulously comfy futon on Martine's floor (OK, I spent maybe, oh, 5 seconds wondering how the boys were doing) we woke up to a day which was as peevish as Saturday was perky. Mists blanketed Fujiyoshida and Mount Fuji was obscured - you could have tripped over her without knowing.

Such eerie weather however, was perfect for shrine touring, so we two pilgrims got snap-happy at Sengen-Jinja, Mount Fuji's official shrine. I was so relaxed, it was an outrage. Must have been the fresh inaka air and the quality female company (kindred spirits are a little thin on the ground in Tokyo).

And that was pretty much it. My weekend. Thrilling, isn't it?

In anticipation of Mount Fuji

Matt, Nick and Al made the hard slog up that venerable volcano on Saturday, while I slept soundly on Martine's v. comfy futon at the base of the mount (lazy? moi?).

He promises tales from the mount once he can actually walk to the computer. Watch this space...

Googlism!

What does the googlist world tell us about 35 Degrees?

35 degrees is essentially flat
35 degrees is a magic
35 degrees is about as far as you want to go with high speed advance with the gas these days
35 degrees is considered "abnormal"
35 degrees is about as low as i could get
35 degrees is great weather to wash your car
35 degrees is way too hot for me
35 degrees is too close for comfort
35 degrees is enough to make a camel gasp
35 degrees is (very d'escartes)

and my fave:
35 degrees is just about as rough as it gets

Tales from the Shelters

After my rant about the homeless problem in Tokyo, the Japan Times kindly ran a series of interviews with people on the street. It made for very interesting reading;

1. A 62 y.o Okinawan man's uphill struggle to find work in Tokyo.

2. A 20 y.o ex-underworld-member consumed by apathy.

3. A couple haunted by financial and marital problems find solace with one another.

4. A 42 y.o computer specialist with few social skills loses his job and his pride.

Although every story is different, there seems to be a similar undercurrent running through most of these interviews - the distressing loss of income, pride or interpersonal relationships in the wake of Japan's economic slump.

It will be interesting to see what happens to the homeless population if and when Japan's economy improves.

Sometimes it seems criminal that we get paid a pretty packet for teaching English to Japanese, while Japanese people themselves, work ridiculous hours for less income. Or find themselves on the street because they have no financial or familial support after their company's or family's collapse...

The Last Days of Summer

If someone approaches you while you are reclining on the beach, and asks if you would like lunch and cocktails served to your little possie on the sand, you are morally obliged to say "Are you f!@#$in' kidding! HELL yeah!". Choking down whoops of joy, we ordered rum coconut cocktails and bentos and at precisely 1pm, said refreshments arrived without us having to move a pinkie.

It was Saturday, we were at Shirahama Beach in Shimoda and as I sucked on my cocktail and basked in the banter of our friends, I mused that there are days when I love Japan beyond all levels of obscenity.....

Friday

Matt and I took the train down to Shimoda the afternoon before the rest of the gang. We stayed at our favourite little Minshuku, "Haji", a no-frills labyrinth of tatami rooms located next to Sotoura Beach.

We spent the sunset on the beach and hiked up to the shrine on top of the cliff. The shrine is quite eerie; it looks deserted, the air is thick and filled with the deafening cries of cicadas and it is like a vortex where insects are 4 times as large as anything I've seen in Japan - huge spiders (OK, not an insect) and ants crawled over the shrine, and butterflies and dragonflies the size of small birds darted around the joint.

Saturday

5 minutes bus-ride from the minshuku is Shirahama Beach, where we set up early morning camp and waited for the Nicks ("Magic Nick" and "T-Nick"), Machiko, Yoshi and Yuriko to arrive.

We ordered our cocktails and bentos, swam in the crystal clear surf and spent the afternoon exploring the hidden coves and caves around Shirahama. You could practically see the tension of urban life floating off into the Pacific. 7 hours and 10 shades of sunburnt skin later, we packed up and headed to Yoshi's company's "cottage" south of Shimoda.

The "cottage" turned out to be a sprawling resort on Cape Tsumekizaki where Toshiba has one of the self-contained units. We cooked up a feast of yakiniku, grilled vegetables and rice and sank a sinkful of beer. I passed out at the ungodly hour of 10 pm, and the others weren't too far behind.

Sunday

We found a hidden beach, Kujuham, not far from the resort, which was blissfully free of convenience stores, amenities and shrill megaphones begging beach-goers to buy ice cream or rent umbrellas. It had a toilet, some coin-operated showers and that was it.

Spent the day swimming in the sheltered waters, throwing the frisbee and snorkelling around the rocks. Its been years since I've snorkelled and I'd forgotten how much I'd loved it. "Magic Nick" had never been before and was in a ridiculous high all afternoon. It was truly amazing. You forget how much is going on under the water that you can't see from the top. Shimoda is practically tropical waters, so it was like being in an aquarium. Definitely the highlight of the weekend.

Unfortunately, it had to end sometime, and at 3pm, the chimes of doom signaled time to trudge back to Shimoda station and back to Tokyo...