Akage-no-An (Red-haired Anne)

Now, I'm a self-confessed "Anne of Green Gables" devotee. I've made the pilgrimage to Green Gables House in Prince Edward Island. I bought the soundtrack to the mini-series. Damit, I even rented "Anne of Green Gables - The Continuing Story" (although that may have had more to do with watching Cameron Daddo and Jonathan Crombie than anything else).

So I do understand the Japanese obsession with everything Anne. Apparently Anne became a symbol of hope for post-war stricken Japanese (the books were released in Japan in 1952) who had become orphaned in the 1940s.

Every year, thousands of Japanese take charter flights to PEI and dozens proclaim, "I do!" (or the Japanese equivalent) in the parlour of Cavendish House where Lucy Maud Montgomery got married almost a hundred years ago.

In 1979, Hayao Miyazaki (of "Spirited Away" fame) created the anime version of Akage no An. In 2001, the Japan-based Maple Leaf Theatre staged Anne of Green Gables in Tokyo. In a country that fiercely promotes it's own culture (and rightly so) whilst traditionally placing foreign literature and film at an arm's length, "Anne of Green Gables" is a bit of an anomaly, particularly considering that the books were an overnight sensation in 1952, not 8 years after WWII ended.

What cracks me up, then, is how far the Japanese take the mythology of this red-haired Canadian, even now. In Fukuoka for example, is the "Anne Academy" which teaches Japanese how to speak English with a PEI accent (which, much like the idiosyncratic Newfie dialect, can be difficult to understand, even for native English speakers).

In Okayama is the "School of Green Gables" where young Japanese women are taught to "behave" as Anne would. I guess this means they are instructed how to smash a writing tablet over a boy's head, get their best friends drunk on "raspberry cordial", talk back to poker-arsed adults and dye their hair blonde so it turns out green.

Come to think of it, I would really like to see all this in the modern Japanese woman!

The Love Triangle

A guy, Takashi goes to a karaoke booth with a bunch of friends and meets a lovely lady, Yui. He displays the usual karaoke behaviour, donning his Hanshin Tigers (Japanese baseball team) jersey and parading around the booth singing the "I love Tigers" theme song, replacing "Tigers" with "Yui". They hold hands. They talk about making "rub-u" after karaoke.

Sigh. True love is born.

Except Yui is wired, Takashi's real girlfriend, Mayumi and his mother are in a studio next door watching the whole proceedings and Yui is being "controlled" by the host of the show, the girlfriend, mother and a few of Takashi's male friends.

Things hot up in the karaoke booth, our unwitting philanderer whispers to Yui "I love only you" (roughly an hour after he says "Nice to meet you") and they arrange to get the f!@#k out of there - literally. Mayumi steps out of the studio and up to the karaoke counter with her back to the elevator as Yui and Loverboy approach to pay. She turns around and..... shock! (Yes, genuine shock! It was kinda neat) - Sprung Muthaf!@#$er!

Then come the pathetic excuses - "It was only talk!"; "I didn't mean any of it!" before Mayumi slaps him, kicks him a few times for good measure while he's begging on the floor and leaves him to his mother who rails him as only a mother can; "I did NOT bring up my child to be like this!"

Cut to the aftermath scene in a tatami room - Takashi is begging forgiveness; the mother is disgracing his mock-sorry arse with her cutting epithets; the girlfriend is indifferent. Matt and I are yelling "Ditch the philandering bastard!" but, no surprises, they make him sing the Hanshin Tigers song with Mayumi's name, and they get back together...

... Until the next time he steps into a karaoke booth...

"The Triangle" - Japan's very special brand of reality TV - Asahi TV, Tuesday nights from 9pm

More cheese than hunny...

Cynics beware! Tokyo Disneyland is frikkin' awesome!

It's about as Japanese as cherry pie and hot dogs, except for the huge queues at rides. Japanese people seem to have the capacity to wait in line far longer than their western counterparts. Apparently waits over an hour are not unusual at the popular rides, although we only had to queue for 30 minutes which was about as long as we were prepared to wait before muttering "f!@#k this" and pissing off.

The "After 6 passport" is a sweet deal - 2,900 yen per person, all rides included, for between 6pm and 10pm. Tokyo Disneyland really comes alive at night, and hell! that's even cheaper than Karaoke!

If you are not into cheese, Tokyo Disneyland won't fill your balloon, but it's more of the fine brie variety than your processed Kraft slices. The rides far exceeded even my lofty expectations and highlights included "Poohs Hunny Hunt" (Matt just liked the sound of it, dodgy bugger), "Splash Mountain", "The Haunted Castle" (which, although not remotely frightening, was a visual feast of holograms and computer wizardry) and the vertigo inducing "Alice's tea-cups". Oh! And I can't forget the chocolate-laden Mickey waffles and the pyrotechnic Disney Parade "Blazing Rhythms", weaving its way through Fantasy Land (the parade that is, not my waffle).

It gets really packed though (unlike everything else in Tokyo, of course !@#$), even on a Monday night, and 4 hours doesn't really allow you to see everything (an excuse to come back another time?). But it was good to return to my childhood for a few hours (natsukashiiiiii!) and convert Matt, a self-confessed cynic of all things amusement park, into a believer...

Webmaster's Party

Last night was the Webmaster's Party at the Ruby Room in Shibuya. Matt and I weren't quite sure what to expect, but a room full of computer nerds was up there. I was surprised that, although there were the usual geeky suspects, there were stacks of cool people as well - particularly good to meet Martine, another Aussie from Bris Vegas based out in inaka (Fuji-Yoshida) whose blog I've been reading for a few months (hey! gotta keep up with the competition!). Kudos to Damon for organising the event.

Matt is teaching me Fireworks and has been very understanding of my pursuit of web-mistressy, except for that one time I didn't understand something and threw a tantie (it was a good one!) Guess there's no chance of me ever being a true geek. Sniff...

Yanaka

A lot of Tokyo has succumbed to "modern" Japan but there are still pockets where you can stroll and see the spiritual side of Japan shaking hands with shitamachi (or downtown) everyday life. One of these places is Yanaka, the area just south of Nippori JR station.

If shrines, temples and cemeteries are your thing, then its a cool walk, but what interested me more were the scenes of Japan "everydayness" - old wooden houses silhouetted against a blue (crap! we saw the sun today!) sky, airing futons over the balcony, run-down izakayas hidden by piles of red Kirin crates - echoes of the night of debauchery just gone.

And you see the strangest things in the most unlikely places - as I wandered back to the station, I was met by a roadside shrine of Baikin-man, otherwise known as Bacteria Man, the arch enemy of Anpan Man (only in Japan could you have an animated hero made out of red bean paste). I know Japan loves its anime, but a religious homage to bacteria? Nippon Gold!

Only one week to go

...before Summer Sonic, traditionally Fuji Rock's poorer city cousin, but now arguably just as big (maybe not better - I would have loved to have seen Ben Harper, Bjork and Massive Attack up in the wilds of Niigata, but what can you do?). I'm particularly keen to check out a band called "Sons of all Pussys". Can't wait for that one. Must. be. patient.

Have been listening to Radiohead's "Hail to the Thief" in preparation. People tell me its a grower, but right now I just feel like making little marks in my wrists over it. Hope to hell they play some of their older stuff. Just give me some "High and Dry" and I'll die a happy badger.

Pride

Someone asked me (after yesterday's soliloquy) what the attitude is of the homeless people in Japan, whether they would accept 200 yen from a stranger or would refuse it out of pride.

Its a good question, but also a complex one and one that I'm not really in a position to analyse. I have never spoken to a homeless person here, whereas I have talked to, say, my Japanese friends about the homeless issue.

One thing I have noticed about homeless people in Tokyo, which is decidedly different from the general attitude of the homeless in other countries, is that I've NEVER seen one beg. They just mind their own business, read the papers they scrounge from the garbage, and just... hang. I think maybe part of it is the pride thing again. Of course, I can't say for sure. Its actually rare to be put in a situation where you could talk to them or just give them 200 yen. To be honest, most of the homeless people I've seen have actually been asleep.

Its kind of strange - there are similar box communities in, say, San Francisco, where the homeless congregate into warrens, but I would be really scared to walk through the Tenderloin district, whereas I'm not at all afraid to walk through the parks in Takadanobaba or Shibuya where there are hundreds of tents. Perhaps I'm naive.

This is gonna sound strange, but sometimes I actually feel a sense of community when I walk through the parks; that this is the only home they've got and they're trying to make the most of it. Which is why it particularly annoys me when the bureaucrats (have to lern to speel proper) oust them from these places during international events rather than actually pull their fingers out of their tight-asses and at least try to address the problem.

Sorry to get all heavy

...on your arses there... it by no means represents how I feel about this country - but for every bit of good there is a bit of bad. It's the law of opposites - Yin and Yang, Heaven and Hell, Starsky and Hutch. Japan is no exception. Forgive me for dumping the turd in my brain onto the screen, because in spite of (in fact, because of) its idiosyncracies and faults, I really love this country.

Brain dump

I was on the train this morning when a homeless person got on. She smelt. Very bad. In fact, the smell lingered for about 10 minutes after she left the carriage. Yes, it bothered me. But what bothered me more was the reactions of the other passengers. Almost without exception, they all spent a fair amount of time screwing up their faces and waving their hands in front of their noses. Firstly, this doesn't work to get rid of the smell. Secondly, this homeless person doesn't have a place to wash herself and in my opinion, deserves our sympathy more than our derision.

....here's where it all gets a little contemplative (if anyone knows me at all, this could be a rough ride)...

Japan prides itself on the ideal that the distinctions between rich and poor are not great. When you compare Japan to say, the States, or even Australia, this is probably true, but its not the whole story. Japan has a huge middle class, but the gap between this middle class and the homeless is immense! And although it is slowly improving, Japan doesn't have the same volunteerist culture to help these guys out as Australia and the States, but it does have the same homeless problem. The volunteers come out in force around Christmas time, but then come the 3rd January, seem to fall deflatedly into the Sumida River. In fact, since living in Tokyo, I've found the homeless far more visible. Just take a walk through some of the parks in Shibuya, Takadanobaba and Ueno and you'll see what I mean.

The general attitude toward homeless people in this country is no doubt complex, and as an outsider, I don't understand the issues of shame and pride that dictate the way people act toward those who no longer have familial support for whatever reason and are forced to live in gutters. In fact, I'm glad I don't understand it. It would do my head in.

From what I can tell, the fault lies with two forces: 1) the government, made up of ageing bureaucrats with more concern for the tax-paying bourgeoise (why am I choosing such difficult words to spell today?) than humanity - certainly no different to any first world government. Just take a look at the way the Osaka government dealt with the homeless during last year's World-Cup. Rather than actually addressing the problem in their own backyard, they ousted them from the only home they knew and dumped them outside the city precincts so the international dollars would be spared from seeing such poverty.

I also think part of it lies with 2) the culturally-conservative attitude that the family-unit is everything, they support you and if you lose your family, you lose everything. So many elderly people in Japan, for example, are completely dependent on their families for support. Children live at home until they are, like, 40. What this cultural dependency has to do with homeless people, I'm not entirely sure, but I think it goes part of the way to explaining how Japanese people deal with poverty with expressions of shame rather than positive action. The homeless have become The Disassociated, and no-one wants to know about them.

I'm sure this attitude exists in most other countries, but I think it is more visible in Japan. Perhaps because I am looking at it from the perspective of one of the "outsiders" (albeit a more affluent one) and Japanese people in general fear what they don't understand more so than people from multi-cultural countries who are used to mixing with people of different races, family structures, sexual orientations and financial situations.

They say the "gift-giving" mentality is instilled into the Japanese. It's true - if you're a foreigner you get gifts "for your travels"; if you're the boss, you get gifts for being the boss. In fact, the reciprocation of gifts and the overall generosity of the Japanese is one thing I f!@#ing love about this country. But where are the gifts being given to fellow country-men who, probably through no fault of their own, have been shunned by their families, their own government and forced to live in blue-tarp communities?

Let's be frank now...

...Tokyo is a butt ugly city. Yes, yes, its one of the most interesting cities in the world, but that sure don't make it pretty.

Tokyo's Top 5 (totally subjective) Monstrous Mistakes:

1. Edo Tokyo Museum (Ryogoku). A bad Lego reconstruction of something that didn't quite make it to the set of Star Wars.
2. Tokyo's Statue of Liberty (Odaiba). Don't even start me.
3. Asahi Flamme d'Or (Asakusa). It's supposed to represent Asahi's "eternal flame" but it actually looks like a very big, pointy poo that would have been a bitch to push out.
4. Fuji SpaceBall (Odaiba). Why?
5. Imperial Palace (Sakuradamon). They only let you see it twice and year, and there's a reason for that. Embarassment.

...but Tokyo is not merely a huge pile of unfortunate architecture. There are some places in Tokyo that hijack the senses in a way that doesn't make you want to plough your head into the nearest wall:

Tokyo's Top 5 Loveable Landmarks:

1. Senso Ji (Asakusa) and;
2. Meiji Jingu (Harajuku). Tokyo should build more of these bunnies. Unfortunately, Tokyo's architectural community has succumbed to the school of thought that "more experimental and 'modern' is better". Senso Ji and Meiji Jingu are nostalgic reminders of what Japanese are capable of in terms of the architecture they are famous for.
3. Mt. Fuji (Shizuoka). OK. It's not strictly in Tokyo, but on a clear day you can tell which direction is south-west without a compass. Very handy to travel in Tokyo without a compass.
4. Shibuya Crossing (Shibuya). For an aural assault on every sense imaginable. There are actually a lot of places like this (the area near Shinjuku's Alta Vision Screen is another pearler) and are an unmissable treat of an evening (and, strangely, when you are three sheets to the wind).
5. Kokugikan Arena (Ryogoku). During Sumo Tournaments, the arena is covered in bright colourful sumo flags. The perfect antidote to the dull and lifeless eyesore next door (Edo Tokyo Museum)...

Summer

Has Summer completely forgotten about Tokyo??? Today, it's like, 19 degrees. This time last year it was 30 degrees and humid enough to poach an egg. Not that I'm complaining. Tokyo Summers are hell. This weather has been bliss on a stick.

Little Edo

With only about 9 months left in this fine country, we've started to pull our finger out of our arses and see some places we've been meaning to for ages.

One of these is Kawagoe, coined "Little Edo" because of the old Edo-era (1603-1867) buildings still standing. It's a fascinating little place, with tons of antique stores, traditional 18th century architecture, temples, shrines and the piece-de-resistance, 'Kashi-ya Yokocho' ('Confectionery Row') - a narrow winding alley where sweet-tooths can kiss candy-heaven.

Matt had a go at blowing his very own candy balloon and received a polite round of applause from the bemused Japanese bystanders. The man (sorry, confectionery artisan) at the stall though, was a bit concerned when Matt's face turned a purple shade of red in the early stages of the blow.

Afterward, Matt was heard to mutter, "it was really difficult"...

Kawagoe is about 40 minutes north of Tokyo, on the Saikyo Line or Tobu Tojo line in Saitama prefecture.

Dreams

As an English teacher, I hear a lot of funny mistakes that my students make, for example "My husband is a Cock!" (Cook) or "I want to eat my wife". (eat with - I hope).

But you know Japan has really gotten under your skin when you start dreaming about mistakes your students haven't even made yet. I dreamt last night that one of my students was talking about the stock market (???) and said to another student, "You need to put all your stock into a quiche market."

A case of becoming totally Japanified, or was I just really hungry?

Share(ki)mono

There's nothing like throwing a few whiskys back, trussing yourself up in kimono (my couture specialist, Matt, sorted out how to tie the "pre-tied" obi) and getting funky with a video camera (don't worry, not that sort of funky).

The Japanese word for "show-off" (unfortunately, the Japanese language doesn't really lend itself to irony like "bloody poser") is "sharemono", and that's exactly what I did. Can't wait to share my kimono at the next summer festival!!!

Obi

Still can't work out this damned pre-tied obi thing. It's meant to be for dumb-hoffs who can't tie a normal obi, but I'm buggered if I can sort it...

Tokyo Daibutsu

One attraction you probably won't find in a Tokyo guidebook, is the Tokyo Daibutsu in Itabashi. No doubt one of the reasons for this is that its so damn difficult to find (you have to walk about 10-15 minutes north of Eidan-narimasu station on the Yurakucho line) and is signposted by one lousy handwritten sign just outside. If it weren't for our trusty Tokyo Metropolitan Atlas, we would have ended up in Gunma.

Its a shame because the Daibutsu is a top-shelf attraction - aside from the Big Man, there is a carp pond, the Jourenji Temple, lots of old stone statues and is quite the suburban oasis. Perhaps there is a more suspicious side to the Daibutsu not being well known - maybe the owners simply didn't want tourists trouncing the place and pretended it just wasn't there...

Takamisakari

Takamisakari - the insanely popular sumo wrestling underdog who rarely wins his bouts (and our hands-down favourite sumo wrestler) won a bout at the Nagoya tournament yesterday! - against the mighty Yokozuna, Asashoryu, of all people. We love Takamisakari 'cos he always comes out pumped, full of agro, slapping himself, talking to his clenched fists and flinging powder on the dohyo as if he was about to go into battle against a pod of whales on heat.

He's short-sighted and a little cross-eyed too, bless him, so whenever he gets really psyched, it looks like he's about to be hit by an oncoming bus or fall over. He breathes a bit of life and enthusiasm into a fairly staid, conservative line-up. When he won against Asashoryu, I teared-up, I was so happy for him. Officially losing it - crying over sumo...

Have Kimono, will travel...

Yessssssssss. Discovered today that happiness is a summer kimono and obi! Bought one of these bunnies at the "Yukata Square" on the 9th Floor of Tobu for a pretty 40,000 yen total. Matt and I don't convert to Aussie dollars anymore, so this was cheap (I don't want to hear the conversion thanks very much)!

I was contemplating buying a second hand or antique kimono at Lunco in Mejiro, thinking it would be cheaper, but all the kimonos I liked there were 30,000 yen with an obi anyways, so I figured why not just go for something new?

I must admit a lot of the kimono/yukata designs don't fire my cannon - the kimono racks seem to be a sea of pukey, washed out colours or weird combinations of colours like pale blue, dark yellow and royal purple with a hint of off-white or strange hawaiian-esque prints teamed with a dark brown striped obi. Shudder.

So I was not entirely out of place getting a light pink and white swirly summer kimono patterned with dark pink, purple and yellow flowers (not entirely sure whether they are chrysanthemums or plum blossoms) with a burgundy chintz obi. Although it sounds horrific, it is, in fact, quite lovely. I am totally cheating with the obi, as it has the funky bow attachment to wedge on the back of the obi rather than having to tie it which would take years for me to master, but whatever. Obi for the modern woman, I say.

Summer festival yukata are enjoying a bit of a renaissance among the younger generation these days - and there are some general "rules" to follow when choosing a design. The biggest ones are probably;

1. The only people that should wear a completely white kimono are brides or those in mourning;
2. Generally, the brighter colours like pinks and bright purples etc. are chosen by younger women, and the more subdued browns, navies and dark greens are worn by "older" ladies.

I don't think I qualify as the latter quite yet and I am trying to be culturally-sensitive, so I think (I hope) my choice was appropriate. As I'm not Japanese and thus have no insider information when it comes to such matters, I have a fear that someone will come up to my in the street and say; "Didn't you know that chrysanthemum designs are only worn at your fifth husband's funeral?" The gorgeous old ducks at Tobu assured me I had made a lovely choice for the summer festivals, but although I'd made my decision they kept trying to convince me to get hideous purple and green bamboo numbers.

I hope they weren't trying to tell me something...

Putting Japan aside for a moment...

...the NYC government's Thoughts on Terrorism is a pearler. I know crisis prevention of terrorism is a bit of an oxymoron and damn hard to troubleshoot, but there is such a thing as stating the obvious...

My personal faves:

KNOW THE FACTS AND BE RESPONSIBLE:
* Know the facts of a situation and think critically. Confirm reports using a variety of reliable sources of information, such as the government or media (hmmm, when I think of reliable sources of information they are both top of my list).
* Do not spread rumors.
* Do not accept packages from strangers and do not leave luggage or bags unattended in public areas such as the subway (easy one to follow - if you do leave them on the subway, they sure won't be there for very long).

IF YOU RECEIVE A SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE OR ENVELOPE:
* PUT IT DOWN - preferably on a stable surface.

Shopping

Shopping in Tokyo, for those with the patience, can be a rewarding enterprise. There are all kinds of eccentric stores tucked away in narrow streets, or in the basements of major buildings. Here are a few I've been shopping in (or, more to the point, drooling in) lately;

* Tobu 9th Floor (Ikebukuro) - where all good kimono go to be born. Most of the kimono are, of course, indecently expensive, up to 1 million yen for one (about A$13,000) but some of the less expensive yukata are quite fabulous and cost about 30,000 yen (A$400) which is still a fair chunk of coin. Just fantasising about wearing one of these little suckers is enough to sustain me for a month. And all the accoutrements! Geta, Obi, those funky enamel hairpieces. Get me a tent, a gas stove, and lose me forever! The 9th floor also has a ton of decent omiyage (traditional Japanese gifts for the folks back home) such as noren, fans and lacquer boxes.

* Seremoa Tsukuba (Shinjuku). This is actually, ahem, a funeral store, with an endless and fascinating supply of religious artefacts and accessories for the dead which would put a large Buddhist temple to shame. This place is teeming with Shinto shrines, Buddhist altars (if that's what they are, in fact, called), Buddha effigies, and those whacky wood burial sticks that look like overgrown paddlepop sticks. In case you thought I was getting all Buddhist and morbid on your asses, my interest is simply aesthetic - it's an irresistable place to wander around and they have the most excellent selection of quality incense, essential oils and oil burners.

* Kiddyland (Harajuku). Every cartoon (or extravagantly merchandised) character known to man, can be found in one incarnation or another at Kiddyland. "Spirited Away" characters, Astroboy, Pokemon, Winnie the Pooh, Hello Kitty. You name it, they got a toothbrush or set of chopsticks emblazoned with it. Truly a mecca for those who never grew up (you talkin' to me?)

* Seibu Deli (Ikebukuro). Matt and I, in are summer-induced lethargies, have taken to having "Seibu Samplers" for dinner, a hodge-podge of tidbits from Seibu's (one of the largest department stores in the world) basement, which is roughly the size of a small city. You could spend hours checking out the gyoza makers, sake-purveyors, sushi chefs, green-tea grinders, the phenomenally over-priced fruit - and my favourite section - the patissieres with their endless conveyor belts of tiramisus, chocolate macadamia nut heavens and their endless sugar and cream-overloaded cousins.

Down, fat count!

Hello...

Things that third grade Junior High School students write that crack me up (the assignment was to write a phone call dialogue):

A: Hello
B: Hello
A: I'm sorry. I love you.
B: Okay. You have the wrong number.
A: Is this 3202 4389?
B: No. Goodbye.

**********

A: Hello.
B: Hello. Yoshio?
A: No, you have the wrong number.
B: No! You must be Yoshio!
A: I'm sorry, I am Masashi.
B: Where is Yoshio?
A: I don't know..........
B: .......... bye..........

A whole lotta lovin' or a handful of nothin'

Matt and I do two types of teaching in Japan - Language Consulting, the fancy-pants name for teaching solo, in companies and Assistant Language Teaching, which is (in theory) team-teaching with a JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) in a school.

In my opinion, team teaching is much more difficult. Every day I have to navigate the cryptic mine-field of the JTE lesson plan and stop myself from taking over the class preparation or screaming, "Just tell me what the f@#$%k you want!" (damn Aries. Must. Take. Control). It goes against the grain of my very nature to resist this temptation, but I am too aware that such obstreperously foreign behaviour means social suicide in the Junior High School Teacher's Room.

Solo teaching, on the other-hand, is a fart in the park. Even if you're not prepared for the lesson, you can usually pull something out of your arse and no-one is any the wiser.

There are many different species of JTE.....

* The extremely organised Angels who welcome your ideas and value your input when it comes to teaching English (what the hell they do with their other classes is their business);

* The well-meaning scatterbrains who rely on you for their lesson plans because they are either 1) disorganised or 2) lazy, have no idea what they want, a list of things they don't, but end up letting you do whatever the hell you were going to do in the first place. These little monkeys have the annoying feature of being enormously popular with the kids once you actually get them to class (its this breed of teacher I particularly want to give the smackdown - can't hate 'em, sure can't love 'em either...).

* The insidious saboteurs who really don't want you there (for a variety of reasons, some personal, some cultural) and treat you like the dreaded "Human Tape Recorder" - "Do that! Say this! No, not that! This!";

* The disorganised control-freaks with no discipline skills, who change lesson plans during the lesson and expect you to come up with new activities on the spot (then deride you after the fact if you can't). Meanwhile the kids are showing off their Gets! impersonations to imaginary friends outside the window or planning the next "Crack-shooter" on the ALT (involving a prayer-like hand position, an upward motion and an unsuspecting crack).

.....and all the funky colours of the rainbow in between. And hell, that's just the Junior High School teachers! The Elementary School system is a whole different bunny-warren. Strictly speaking, Elementary School Teachers are not English teachers, so usually they speak less English than I speak Japanese. Which is frankly pitiful.

Some teachers make a genuine effort to welcome you (one teacher I taught with had his students so well-trained that when I entered the room, he said; "Standing Obation!" to which all the kids stood and applauded me) but others stand to the side, watching the foreigner entertain the children with a hatful of rabbit tricks.

Most of the teachers we teach with are bliss and we've become friends outside of school with some of them. But when it comes to frustrations felt as an ALT, difficult teachers are far worse than difficult students. Unfortunately, difficult teachers do not respond to the "Look of Death". Life would be a hell of a lot easier if they did.

Tanabata

Today is "Tanabata" or "Star Festival Day" in Japan, where the Japanese celebrate all things romantic (unlike White Day which is quite simply a commercialised obligation to kiss ass) and its a party to which Seibu and Tobu are not invited! One of the girls from work, Yamasaki-san, sent me this explanation of Tanabata;

July 7 is called Tanabata or Star Festival in Japan. It is not a national holiday but most Japanese celebrate it. They cut up colored paper 15cm long and 5cm wide. The paper is called Tanzaku. They write defferent (sic) words on the paper, such as " Tanabata," "Star Festival" and "Milky Way". Children may write what they want to become and people write whatever the wish. They hang these pieces of paper on bamboo. Also the bamboo is decorated with defferent colored papers.

This festival came from China long ago. Orihime fell in love with a young man called Kengyu. Being madly in love, she couldn't concentrate on her weaving. So, they were separated. Orihime was made to go to one side of the Milky Way. Kengyu was made to go to the other side. They were permitted to meet only on one occasion a year. This is July 7. They celebrate their meeting on this day.

We've had a bamboo Tanabata tree at our station for the past couple of weeks (gave a bit of life to the usually dull and clinical platform) and all the local school-kids have been pinning their hopes up on it - kind of like the old "Mikey loves Sharon" we used to write on the toilet walls at school. Or not.

Showdown

Thank god for Denis and Hiroko.

Matt and I really (really) love Japanese food and living in Japan, you eat a lot of it. But one thing missing on Japanese menus is the quintessential Aussie Roast Dinner.

Last night, when Hiroko cooked up a pot roast (pork and lamb) with rosemary roast potatoes, followed by apple pie and tiramisu, I thought I'd died and gone to Gabriel Gate Heaven. Since arriving in Japan, we put roast dinners into the bag of "antipodean luxuries we have to sacrifice for the Japanese experience". We only bought a convection oven a month ago, and before that, had discovered it was, in fact, quite difficult to cook a roast in a fry pan.

But our nemesis Denis, sagely ventured;

"You gotta have your pork roast on a Sunday." Ah, pearls of Aussie Gold.

The reason for the evening (besides chowing down a disgraceful amount of food), was the Scrabble Face-off between Denis "you better brush up on your dictionary, Fielding" Cusack and Kinki "Nobody beats me at Scrabble" Fielding (erm... that would be me). Oh, and Matt and Geoff were there, too (and no, I'm not saying who won). After two scrabble games, all fired up, we broke out Trivial Pursuit (and the Hardy's chateau-de-cardboard, god help us) and played board games til 4.30am.

Who the hell needs the bright lights of Roppongi or Shibuya when you got a roast dinner, top-shelf company and Australia's great cask wine by your side?

Bizarre Experience #2,349

So I'm walking from my class to Kita Akabane station yesterday, when I spot a young (quite handsome) Japanese male on the other side of the street, about 30 metres up. I keep walking, and the young man crosses the road, staring at me the whole time. I don't just mean staring, I mean his head is jutted foreward in an "Oh my god it's a foreigner with tits" kind of s.t.a.r.i.n.g.

5 seconds later he is on my side of the pavement and as I pass he follows me with his head, like some unhinged Thunderbird. It's a pretty isolated part of town, not many people around, and when I look back he's still staring, so I walk faster.

Next thing I know he's beside me and says in fractured English "Do you live in here?" before dropping his eyes to a certain part of my anatomy which have unfortunately been pushed up and cleaved by my front backpack strap (Are you right, mate?). I myself am not shy when it comes to deflecting unwanted attention, and reply, shortly "No. Sorry" and keep walking.

But the little bugger's still with me, and I'm thinking shit, he's not going to piss off, before he mumbles, "Oh", takes one long last longing look at my boobs (I thought he was going to dislocate his head) before running off...

God Noh!

If anyone had told me a year ago that I'd be singing haikus in the "Noh" style, I would have cried "Get outta here!" and returned to my SMAP CDs.

Noh, for the uninitiated, is a highly stylised, ponderous Japanese dance theatre, about as thrilling as watching a buddhist monk meditate. I'm sure its very artistic and all, but as an uncouth barbarian who cannot watch an opera without falling asleep, I just didn't see the attraction (although, the masks are pretty damn cool.)

Today, I was treated to a Noh performance/seminar at my Junior High School by two Noh performers from the National Noh Theatre. The kids had written a haiku and a waka (the historical pre-cursor to the haiku) about the upcoming summer vacation, and the performers put it to "music" (read, monotonous chants).

Half the group were taught to sing the haiku, the other half how to whack the kotsuzumi drum. The result, after some rehearsing, was less than spectacular, but f!@$k I felt like a master Noh chanter reading the (very simple) hiragana and swinging it with the second graders.

These performers, in spite of being extremely charming (not at all boring as I expected) discovered that teaching a bunch of notoriously shy and reticent students was no easy task. Maybe its not just me who sometimes feels like beating their head against the nearest blackboard!

What the?

Here are some web search gems that have lead people to 35 Degrees:

* Japanese wine tastes like shit
* Kamikaze crashing pilot photos
* Ball busting girls
* Arse burgers
* f-cup norks (and before you ask, no I don't have them)

and my unmitigated favourite;

*I had to go desperately shit pants bus