November 11, 2004
Banish the Bogans
They have got to go.
You may remember we had a problem with the upstairs bogans a while back when their dim brains couldn't work out that if you don't put your washing machine hose in a drain, it will flood your apartment. Which then leaked into ours.
Well, since then they've been noisy buggers, throwing impromptu parties on school nights 'til the wee hours, drag racing their cars out our driveway at 3 a.m and squealing down the road, throwing plastic bags full of cans (beer cans, soda cans) into our front yard (the one their balcony overlooks).
We didn't say anything to them. We hate confrontation (Husband even more than I) and weren't sure whether they'd peel us off with a glock (I watch way too much "Law and Order") or, like your garden-variety dim but malevolent bogan, make the disturbances worse, just to be pure assholes and piss us off. So we bore it. It's O.K for me, 'cos when the parties go on, I can just roll over onto my "good" ear and not hear a bloody thing.
In person, they seem like nice, average bogans. I ran into Boy Bogan last weekend and he went to great pains to make sure our apartment was "OK" after the flooding and said if we need anything just let him know. I was tempted to say, "how about some bloody peace and quiet?" but I didn't. Wuss-bag, I know.
Last night was the last straw though. Every couple of nights they have fierce dommies (domestics) which are usually over around midnight, when we start to hear weird scraping sounds coming from their bedroom (god only knows how they're making up, they are not normal).
But last night until after 4 a.m, they had a massive drunken dommie, shouting "f*** this, f*** that, you're a f***in'..., I f***in' hate...." at the top of their voices. I could even hear their hystrionics lying on my good ear.
At 2 a.m Husband had had enough, and, ever the non-confrontational diplomat (and half-dressed) went out into the front yard and had this "conversation":
Husband: If you lot don't shut the f*** up, I'm gonna call the cops! It's 2 a.m in the morning! [go go, fierce protector husband!]
Boy Bogan: I'll do whatever the f*** I want to. What are you trying to say, mate? [like I said, v. dim]
Husband: I'm saying will you SHUT THE F*********** UP!
Besse Bogan: F***'in f***'er, f*** f**** f****
There was silence for 15 minutes before they started again. 3 a.m rolled around and finally we hear from Bessie Bogan, "I'm going to my f***ing parents!"
Oh, that's too bad! Silence for 15 minutes while we hoped she was packing her bags and pissing the hell off, but sure enough, the yelling revved up about 15 minutes later. I think they must have either passed out from exhaustion or killed each other by 4 a.m 'cos that's when we finally got to sleep.
Maybe they're doing us a favour - we've been talking about biting the bullet and buying a house in the area. Just let it be a bogan-free neighbourhood...
Forgive my Americanism, but is bogan pronounced with a long o as in bloke or short o as in lock? At first, I thought you were speaking of rats in the attic. Turns out I wasn't far off. ^^
tee hee hee. Definitely Bogan with a long "o".
Latin name: "blackjeanus mulleticus maximus" The Melbourne Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney), and the Bevan (Bribane).
In international circles, the Bogan is like a red-neck but less prone to violence and with their dimmer-switch perpetually turned to low (although looking at George Dubya I might take that back).
Ah, it appears that your bogan closely related to our local redneck variety, classfication: whitejeanus mulleticus maximus. A genetic cousin perhaps? They only wear black jeans here for job interviews or funerals.
It's possible that this variation occurred when a common ancestor of the mulleticus experienced a period of transglobal migration, with one colony settling in North America and another in Australia. And being separated by the rather large Pacific Ocean caused the two colonies to diverge genetically.
If only Darwin could be here to witness this.
your bogan definition is so so so true!!
another variation i have heard is 'spec' as in 'specimen'....
ugh, the reason not to rent.. or at least live on the top floor. i would have called the cops on them, but, believe it or not, new yorkers have very little tolerance for noise from other apartments. we get enough noise on the street everyday to have to put up with that sort of nonsense. this is why we have more police in NYC than soldiers that we sent to afghanistan.
bogan-free neigbourhood? is there such a thing?
i seem to have a knack for always getting bad neighbours as well. whether it is the alcholic couple who light bonfires in their backyard and then attempt to throw each other into it, or the feral couple whose schizo friend used to knock on our door at 3am, the 70s freak who used to accuse us of stealing her starsky and hutch thermos... and i could go on but won't. you'll laugh about it soon - unless there is a horrendous bloody murder, of course.
'unless there is a horrendous bloody murder,of course.' in which case you'll be in 'stitches' (rofl).
What you want to do is just leave a few kitchen knives lying around thier front door, you know, just so they have 'em handy and in mind....
(yes, we're always watching you.)
I once lived in a low socio-economic area in Perth. No jokes about that being anywhere in Perth!
There was a fight going on downstairs and a window was broken. I rang the cops and said, "There are some Aborigines fighting downstairs. Can you send someone to shoot them?"
Then realising that I was probably being taped I mentioned that I was only joking about shooting them.
Six squad cars arrived within minutes!! That part was hilarious.