Crappu-chan

Yesterday I was sent by my company to substitute for a teacher to a junior high school in Bunkyo ward. Now normally when this situation arises, a Japanese sales rep will accompany me for the ride. They serve a dual purpose - to make sure that the bumbling gaijin doesn't get lost trying to find the school (see below), and also to formally introduce the substitute teacher to the school principal (read: kissing arse to maintain the relationship between the school and the company).

But for some reason yesterday I was sent alone. The company equipped me with a relatively detailed map and trusted me to find my own way, figuring that I had been in the country long enough to be able to navigate this one solo.

They were wrong.

Here's the thing: Japanese streets are so narrow, random, unnamed and similar-looking that a computer-generated map alone is often not enough to be able to orientate yourself. There are other alleyways that get left off the map. You need landmarks. And the only landmark I had to go by was a Tokyo-Mitsubishi bank near the station exit.

Unfortunately there were six different exits, and three Tokyo-Mitsubishi banks in the area, so even with my solid grounding back in Year 10 Orienteering class combined with 4 years of cub scouts, I managed to get lost. Well not lost exactly, I knew where I was. It was the location of the school that continued to elude me.

When I realised that I was running into danger of not arriving at school in time for the first class, I asked a young lady who was walking her dog for directions. She said she was heading that way and would walk with me. I was saved!

And so during the 5 minute walk to school (back in the direction I had come from) with Hiromi the hairdresser, I happened to ask the name of her little long-haired sausage dog that kept barking at me - not in an aggressive manner, but like it was talking to me.

"Oh, that's Crappu"

Huh?

"You know, Crappu, as in Eric Crappu-ton"

Her dog's name was Crap. Crap-poo in fact. The poor bugger.

I thanked Hiromi and Crap and ran off to school. I normally have a crap before class but there just wasn't enough time.